AUDITION DATES: Sunday, August 10, and Monday, August 11, 2025 
AUDITION TIME:  7:00 pm
DIRECTORS: Lois Heagy and Greg Merkel
PERFORMANCE DATES: November 7 - 23, 2025

SYNOPSIS:
A young bride sends a mail order for Scandinavian glassware — and instead, she mistakenly receives tons of Scandinavian pornography. As the couple struggles to hide the continuing influx of unmentionables, complications arise with the arrival of a mother-in-law, a boss and even the police. This rollicking farce will keep you in stitches until the final door slams.

CHARACTERS:
(English accents are necessary for all roles)

• Peter Hunter – Peter is a talented and energetic executive at National United Bank, with a promising future ahead. He is known for his good sense of humor and typically stable and sensible nature, though these traits will soon be challenged. Peter is almost the entire production.
• Frances Hunter – Frances and Peter are a newly married couple who have a happy, healthy relationship. They aren't fixated on sex but share warmth and affection in their bond. Frances is portrayed as attractive, lively, and carefree, with a modern, fun, and resourceful personality.
• Eleanor Hunter – Eleanor is a sophisticated and elegant woman, with a polished appearance maintained by West End beauty salons. Her style is impeccable and luxurious. She dominates conversations, not out of excitement or lack of intelligence, but because she is a poor listener. Eleanor views her snobbery as completely natural.
• Brian Runnicles – Brian, who works at the bank with Peter, is a man described as precise, physically fit, and humorless. He abstains from smoking and drinking and is considered dull company by women. Brian is like a strict referee, following rules rigidly and never allowing exceptions or flexibility.
• Leslie Bromhead – Bromhead is a distinguished, polished individual who holds the position of senior manager at a bank. He has high professional expectations for his staff and is socially graceful.
• Superintendent Paul – The man is not physically imposing but carries a quiet presence. The superintendent has worked his way up through the force, witnessing a wide range of crimes over his career. Despite his polite and unremarkable exterior, there is a hint of menace and cynicism beneath the surface. He maintains a relaxed demeanor, though his eyes are constantly alert.
• Arnold Needham – Needham is a precise, slightly officious bank inspector, characterized by his appearance, a very dapper style, and heavily framed spectacles. He dresses soberly in a pinstriped suit and carries a row of pens in his front pocket, reflecting his meticulous nature. An insomniac, he is often restless and has a nervous habit of frequently clearing his throat.
• Susan – Works in the sex industry with Barbara. Susan is attractive and smartly dressed.
• Barbara – Works in the sex industry with Susan. Barbara is attractive and smartly dressed.
• Delivery Man – Works for the local delivery service and is in and out of the apartment throughout the show. Has a couple of lines.

“No Sex Please, We're British” is presented by arrangement with Concord Theatricals on behalf of Samuel French, Inc. www.concordtheatricals.com